The saying “Manners maketh men” made famous by the Kingsmen movies, was coined by William of Wykeham, founder of the University of Oxford. It means politeness, good manners and civility are essential to human kind.

We live in an age where people will send you a voice note confessing undying love… and then ghost you 48 hours later. Where we panic-text “on my way” while still in bed, dodge RSVPs like they’re federal subpoenas, and spend social events half-wondering if we’re being weird or if everyone else is just too distracted to notice.

Manners, the particular set of rules we, as a society, use to show respect and courtesy toward one another are ever changing, evolving, mutating. Some rules are obsolete, some new ones take their place. But the notion that etiquette and good manners are a thing from the past is a scary one. It doesn’t take a genius to make a correlation between the decline of interest in etiquette and social anxiety.

Why Etiquette Still Matters in an Anxious World

In the past, the rules of etiquette, admittedly sometimes way too strict, were very clear instructions of what to say and how to behave. If we don’t know what’s appropriate when discussing politics, what to present a newly engaged couple or what to say to a grieving friend at a funeral, we are doomed to live our lives constantly afraid of commuting social faux pas, insulting someone or embarrassing ourselves.

When Emily Post wrote the first book on etiquette, she explained that it is simply a code of behavior based on courtesy, respect and civility. It’s much more than just knowing which fork to use or what to wear for an event. It’s about being considerate of how a situation affect everyone involved, it’s about respecting and valuing other’s ideas and opinions regardless of their background, it’s about being gracious when making others feel welcome and comfortable in your world.

“Every human contact is made smooth by etiquette,
or awkward by lack of it”

Emily Post

What Etiquette Really Is (Hint: It’s Not About Perfection)

Emily Post, the grande dame of American etiquette, wasn’t trying to turn everyone into robotic debutantes. Her 1922 guidebook was wildly popular because it gave people something we’re still desperately craving today: a sense of ease.

True etiquette is about empathy. It’s a set of flexible tools for navigating social space in a way that signals: I see you. I respect you. You’re safe here. It’s not about being fancy, it’s about being thoughtful.

And when we toss that out in the name of “keeping it casual,” we often end up making people uncomfortable, confused, or ignored.

We’re More Anxious Than Ever (and Less Equipped to Handle It)

There’s something ironic about living in the most connected age in history while also being deeply unsure of how to connect. Our inboxes are full, but our calendars are full of cancelations. We crave community but flinch at commitment. We want to be seen but fear being judged.

Etiquette used to provide a gentle structure for these moments, a social choreography to lean on. Without it, every interaction becomes a minefield. Should I hug? Should I call first? Am I being too forward or not enough?

In the absence of clear norms, people default to avoidance. Hence, ghosting. Hence, anxiety. Hence, that weird cocktail of loneliness and overstimulation that defines modern adulthood.

The Posts Are Still Posting: Etiquette for the 21st Century

Here’s what I love: Emily’s legacy didn’t stop with her. The Emily Post Institute is still run by her family, now in its fifth generation. Her great-great-grandchildren, Lizzie Post and Daniel Post Senning, are reimagining etiquette for the 21st century with nuance, inclusivity, and empathy.

They’ve written modern guides that cover everything from text etiquette to pronoun usage, from tipping culture to how to decline an invite without sounding like a jerk. Their approach is warm and personal.

Etiquette isn’t dead. It’s evolving, just like everything else.

What We Need Now: Boundaries with Grace

Bringing back etiquette doesn’t mean bringing back old-school hierarchy. It means acknowledging that a little structure makes life smoother. That mutual respect isn’t uncool. That there’s real power in being gracious, even when the world feels messy.

Because the truth is, saying “please” doesn’t make you weak. Sending a thank you note doesn’t make you uptight. RSVPing doesn’t make you a people pleaser. It makes you considerate. It gives others clarity. It helps us all exhale.

Final Thoughts: Grace is a Quiet Rebellion

In an age of overstimulation, ambiguity, and performing for the algorithm, choosing to be kind, clear, and thoughtful feels like a quiet rebellion. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about being present.

Emily Post was onto something. Not because she told us which salad fork to use. But because she reminded us that the way we treat people matters, and that shared rituals, however small, can bring calm to the chaos.